He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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