just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
