I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
