Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
