i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
