Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you would pick up someone in the library
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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