In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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