Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
When did angry sex become our thing?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
