OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize