I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
