my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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