it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
