I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
