well you can't waste a boner
operation have a gay friend backfired
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
