my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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