Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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