you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
