it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
