Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
