Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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