It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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