the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
