I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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