i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's shark week go big or go home
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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