I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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