i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
