I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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