my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
