biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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