hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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