We named our party play list daddy issues
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
