I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I want to fling myself into the sun
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
