Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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