What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
