Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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