i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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