Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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