I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
