i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
