Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
