You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We smell like vodka and hangover
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