I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize