No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
