In the future we'll all be gay
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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