Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
