Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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