I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
