you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
