i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
