I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
the raccoons are back...
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