I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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