i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize