I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
