Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
