OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
