i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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