Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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