Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
