You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
