my soul wont recognize me after tonight
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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