bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
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