party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
