Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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