I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
