Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize