STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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