He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
