Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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