Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
