my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
