I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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