even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
