why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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